Who am I? I have many labels that society has placed upon me. Some of my labels consist of victim of sexual,mental,emotional abuse, addict, survivor, felon, and so on. I will never fit the molds that society has created for a daughter, sister, mother, or grandmother. So who I am is simple, I am just another addict with mental issues trying to survive in recovery. I believe that the only labels that stick are the ones that I have pinned on myself. Everyone has heard the saying break the mold, well I shattered the mold into many fragmented pieces. This is part of my story and my continuous journey. I hope someone may find a piece of it that will help them find peace within themselves.
My story is common unfortunately one that happens all the time in today’s world. A child from a two parent middle class family. Both parents worked. I never heard them fight. Both of my parents worked, and my brother being only five years older then me we had a babysitter. Not only did she steal my mom’s pearls she collected money to have my innocence stolen as well. The damage was so sever my mind fractured and I developed Dissociative Disorder. That is just one of my mental health issues that I have developed. Then the abuse continues from others, relationships, society, and life itself. The one and biggest offender of abuse that I have not mentioned was myself. I abused myself more then anyone else could of. Besides the Dissociative Disorder, I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Antisocial personality features, other psychosocial and environmental problems. In terms for myself to understand it means my issues have issues.
I never asked “why me”. Why not me. My way of thinking is if I asked why me that meant it was okay to happen to everyone else but me. I would rather this happen to me then anyone else because that person may not have lived through it. Some ask why does God allow these things to happen. My opinion is there are others that are suffering and will need someone who has been through the same issues to help them.
My choice to deal with my issues was drugs. Drugs were not an answer to my issues, they just created more problems. Now we add that label I pinned on myself ADDICT. I am an addict. My addiction helped me out of so much in life. It helped me out of my children, they were raised by my parents. It helped me out of my family, because they didn’t want to watch me keep killing myself. It helped me out of every aspect of living that was worth waking up for.
Struggles with Mental Health and Recovery 